Honourbound
by Suzy
Summary: HOw will Buck cope with a loss of memory and the addition of a very real wife?


DISCLAIMER: Don't own them, wouldn't mind it tho!! The characters from the television program THE YOUNG RIDERS are the property of Ogiens/Kane and I am making no money from their use. 

HONOURBOUND

He opened his eyes slowly, the slight light that penetrated his half opened eyes like a million knifes in his skull. Even the slight movement created a cacophony of pain in his head. Closing his eyes again he sank back into the inky blackness that provided blessed relief from the drums pounding in his head. 

Sometime later when he fought his way out of the murky darkness, the pain did not overwhelm him the same way and he managed to open his eyes and even take in some of his surroundings. He couldn't quite recall how he came to be in this bed or why his whole body hurt so badly, but he knew that something wasn't right. 

Turning his head toward the lamp on the bedside table hoping to find out where he was. Frowning intensely at that thought he realised something, he couldn't remember anything before he woke a few moments before. 

His eyes now open wide he surveyed his surroundings carefully trying to find some clue that would tell him who or where he was. It appeared to be a small spartan bedroom, he was laying on a large bed and covered with crisp whites sheets and a patchwork quilt. There was a chest of drawers on either side of the bed, a wardrobe against the wall beside the closed door. A mirror hung on the back of the door and a chair in the corner of the room held a pair of buckskin trousers, a blue shirt and black vest, brown buckskin boots sat on the ground beside the chair and a black hat hanging on the arm of the chair. Trying desperately to remember something, no anything before he woke he sat up and swung his legs from the bed. Gripping the bed post to keep from falling back onto the bed, waves of dizzy nausea washed over him as he climbed to his feet. Swaying violently, he gripped the wood tightly desperate to stay on his shaky feet, he needed to know who he was and he couldn't think of a better way to do that then knowing what he looked like. Maybe that would trip some type of memory for him. 

Walking shakily along the edge of the bed, he then felt his way along the furniture fighting on every level of his being to stay upright. By the time he made it to the door he rested his hands on either side of the square mirror frame and drawing a deep breath raised his head to look himself squarely in the face. 

He shook his head in disbelief as he gazed intently at himself and felt not even a twinge of recognition. He looked at the glossy black shoulder length hair, his face pale under what was obviously normally tanned skin, his obsidian black eyes looking into their reflection searchingly he noticed the large blue bruise on his temple. Lifting one hand from the door, he ran his fingers shakily over the bruised lump, wincing as his fingers touched the grazing there. Realising that his strength was giving out and he was being dragged back in to the inky pain free blackness, he tried to make it back to the bed. 

'What am I going to do?' he murmured to himself as the world around him began to spin uncontrollably and recede he crumpled bonelessly to the bed. 

Rose heard a thud from her bedroom and realised that after five days her guest had woken. She chastised herself for leaving him alone as she walked up the narrow stairs to check on her patient. Shaking her head when she found him in a crumpled heap at the side of the bed, she proceeded to manhandle him back into the bed. Buck had been visiting her at her new homestead, helping her to find the source of a stream which ran nearby when a rattlesnake had spooked his horse and had thrown him. Drawn to him in ways she didn't understand, she had loved him since they had been in the orphanage together, and was frightened for his health now. She reached out a hand and stroked his long black hair from his face. Wondering for the millionth time if Buck was the answer to all her problems, if he would help her out of the trouble that she had found herself in, if he would help her and her baby to have a normal life.. 

She was unaware of how long she had sat there on the bed stroking his handsome face, but she was startled by what happened next as he spoke to her, with voice a husky whisper. 

'Can you tell me where I am?' he murmured hoarsely 

'Don't you know?' she asked softly in her soft Irish brogue 

'I can't seem to remember anything' his eyes were liquid and his voice full of fear. 

Rose couldn't quite believe her luck, now she wouldn't have to beg him to help her, now he would believe her had to. She knew that it was wrong to deceive him but she could see no other way. 

'This is our home my love, I am your wife' she spoke softly 

She watched the pain and confusion in his eyes and felt bad that she was the cause of that pain but in her mind it had to be done. 

'I don't remember. I'm sorry' he spoke softly 

'That's okay' she soothed him 'I'll go fix you some supper. You have been asleep here for 5 days, since your horse threw you. We need to build your strength back.' she placed a gentle kiss on his forehead and watched as his beautiful black eyes closed once more. She bustled from the room before he woke and noticed her guilt. 

The next time he woke she was not in the room but he could hear her moving about downstairs. No matter how much he searched his cloudy mind he could not remember the beautiful young lady who claimed she was his wife. He could not believe that such a beautiful young woman would consent to be the wife of an Indian, and he knew from the reflection he had seen in the mirror he was at least part Indian. The deep concentration caused the pain in his head to come back as bad as before and made him want to just clear his mind of the pain causing thoughts. Closing his eyes again he focused on the picture in his mind of his 'wife'. 

She seemed to be about 5'5" tall with waist length hair the same colour red as the sky at sunset just before the night claims it. Her wyes wide and as green as pine needles framed by thick black lashes, her lips a cupid's bow of the palest pink and her skin as pale and translucent as moonbeams. Her voice a lilting Irish brogue. The thing which intrigued him the most was the fact that she was quite obviously with child. He didn't know what type of person he was, but he felt sure that he would never be able to forget discovering he was going to be a daddy. 

He was still puzzling over the tiny facts that he had gleaned about his life when she came back into his room carrying a tray. She smiled brightly as she walked in and placed the tray on the bedside table. Leaning across him she lifted two down filled pillows from the other side of the bed and helped him to sit up a little before she piled the pillows behind him to help him stay upright. 

'Can you tell me anything about our life?' he asked as he settled back against the pillows and took a deep breath trying to cleanse the renewed pain from his throbbing head. 

'I tell you what, I will tell you what I know while you have some supper.' she smiled as she sat beside him, bowl of soup in hand. She fed him several spoonfuls before she spoke. 

'We met when we were children in an orphanage, you were about 11 and I was 9. A year ago I came west looking for you and Ike' cast his puzzled look she explained 'Your best friend. I found that you both worked for the pony express.' she continued to feed him the rich beefy broth, but she could tell that the hunger she was appeasing was his thirst for knowledge of his past. 'I got a job at the hotel in Rock creek, but it wasn't long before you courted me and we married, we bought this little ranch six months ago and four months ago we fund out that we are expecting our first child in Autumn.' she realised that the bowl of soup was finished but she couldn't bring herself to look into his face for fear that he would see her guilt in her eyes. She stood and placed the bowl on the tray and handed him the glass of milk that remained. He dutifully emptied the glass and handed it back to her, however, when she took the glass back from him he held her hands in his 

'I don't even know our names' he murmured 

'I'm sorry' she spume as she sat back on the bed "You are Buck cross, you are half Kiowa and you were raised in an orphanage from the time you were a small child. My name is Rose McMurtrie' she blushed 'but now it is Rose Cross. I was raised in the same orphanage after my parents were killed when their wagon capsized in a river crossing.' 

'I'm sorry' he spoke drawn to the beautiful woman who was apparently his wife. 

'That's what you said when we were kids too' she murmured as she leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his lips 'Sleep now I'll be in the next room if you need me.' 

'Do we have separate rooms?' Buck looked confused 

'No' she spoke quickly, her mind working quickly to allay his suspicions ' I just thought, well the doctor thought that you would be better left alone' she paused watching him closely 'So I have been sleeping in the next room' 

'You don't have to do that, I would rather not be left alone anyway' he murmured almost ashamed of the fear he felt at being left alone with his thoughts. 

'If that is what you want' she murmured leaving the room 

To Buck it seemed like she was gone for hours but it was actually almost twenty minutes later when she walked back into the room clad only in a long sleeved white men's nightshirt that fell past her knees, she watched Buck warily as she rounded the bed and sat on the far side, slipping her slippers from her feet she slid her legs under the covers and lay almost against the edge of the mattress. 

'I won't bite' Buck smiled, thinking that she almost seemed afraid of him. 

'I don't want to hurt you' she murmured ' You were so sick' she finished 

'Come here Rose' he whispered opening his arms to his tiny wife 

She scooted close to him and sank bonelessly into his tight embrace. For the first time in almost 6 months she sank into a deep and dreamless sleep. Feeling loved and secure in the strong arms of this noble man. The mind of the man who held her, however, was far from still. Searching his mind desperately he laid there for what seemed like hours trying to remember anything from his past but as he drifted into a restless sleep he decided that his mind was a blank canvas and he would have to fill it with his own colour until it finally decided to unlock its mysteries. 

He awoke again early the next morning as the first rays of sun lightened the room. He slid out from under Rose's embrace and walked shakily over to the chair that held his clothes, sitting weakly down he pulled on his trousers and shirt. Standing slowly he followed the stability of the wall to the door and taking a deep breath he struggled out of the room and to the top of the staircase. Sweat streaming down his face he clung to the banister with both hands and struggled not to fall down. By the time he reached the bottom he was as weak as a kitten and sank gratefully onto a chair in the kitchen. That was where she found him several minutes later. She burst into the room her face a picture of concern until she saw him seated there. 

'Buck you should be in bed.' she spoke gently as she brushed his hair back from his forehead 

'I was going to fix you breakfast, but that didn't work. I didn't count on feeling so bad' he murmured 

'You sit there and I'll fix you something' she was amazed at the caring of this man 

'You've been in bed for almost a week Buck, you'll have to build your strength back.' 

He sat and watched her moving with quiet efficiency around the kitchen. Something about this whole situation didn't feel right to him, but at the moment all he could rely on was her explanation of his past. 

'Do I have any friends?' he asked out of the blue 

'You had several within the express but since we married they don't visit as much' she spoke with her back to him trying to sound casual. One of the riders had called at the farmhouse yesterday to ask if she had seen his friend. A tall well dressed blond man had seemed concerned for his friend but had not persisted when she had denied seeing him 'I don't think they approve of me' she spoke as she remembered the cold distrust they had all shown when she had arrived to visit with Buck on several occasions. 

'If they were true friends they would accept you simply because I do' he stated wisely as she placed a plate of food in front of him 

The next three days passed in almost a blur for Buck, he spent his days resting, eating and trying to glean whatever information he could out of his tiny wife. She found him on the fourth morning since he woke sitting on the porch swing and greeted him with a cup of steaming coffee. 

'Thought you might like this. Spring is finding it a little hard to shake off winter this year' she indicated the flowers that he was gazing at 

'I have always loved spring' he murmured dreamily watching the daffodils bobbing against the white picket fence surrounding the house. 

'Do you remember?' her alarmed voice spoke shrilly 

'No' he frowned at her concern 'I just know I love spring' he paused and smiled crookedly at her' Strange huh' 

'No Not so strange' she walked across the porch to him and slid her arms around his waist. 

"You are a good man Buck Cross' she placed her head on his chest and sighed deeply 

Buck frowned, he had felt that something was wrong but her thought that she would have told him if there was. He gently pulled her back from him and framed her face with his hands. 

'Rose is anything wrong?' he frowned 

She shook her head violently 

'Rose I can't help if I can't remember, I'm relying on you to tell me everything' he spoke sternly 

She swallowed convulsively and then pulled away from Buck to walk to the porch rail, looking our across the homeyards she began to speak her voice in a flat monotone. 

'I left the orphanage at the same time as you and Ike to find work and a new life. My life didn't work out as nicely as yours. I started work as a laundry call in an upper class cathouse, I thought I was safe there but eventually I was forced to start seeing customers. I'm not proud of my life, but you and Ike never looked down at me the way that other people did. You told me that it didn't matter' she turned to face him tears trickling down her cheeks as she remembered her shame at telling him of her past 'You don't know how much that meant to me' she paused in her tale pleased that up until now she had been able to tell him the truth. ' I have been putting away a little of my wages each week until I had enough to buy a house out here. The man who ran the cathouse Marcus Thomson, wouldn't let me go. so I ran away I took my money and ran west, looking for you and Ike. You were the only friends I have ever had and I knew you wouldn't let me down. Two weeks ago Thomson found me. I don't know what to do Buck' she sobbed pitifully her sorrow shaking her slender shoulders. He stood and turning her in his arms embraced her 'Don't worry honey' he tilted her face up to his ' Together we can solve anything' he pressed his lips to hers and kissed her with all the tenderness and compassion he felt for her. As he lifted his face from hers he placed gentle kisses on her nose and eyelids. 

'Stop fretting.' he led her back to the swing and pulled her down across his lap. 

'You are such a good man Buck' she kissed his forehead, hating herself for deceiving him 

'Are we expecting company?' Buck asked frowning at the horizon where he could see three plumes of dust rising 

'No' she spoke as he put her back on her feet 

'Go Inside, get me the shotgun and a pistol and bring them back here, then go and lock yourself in the basement' At her nod he continued 'go and wait down there until I come and get you' when she paused he pleaded 'Go Rose, I can't do this if I have to worry about you too.' she went quickly inside and retrieved the guns and a box of ammunition and went back to his side. 

'Now go' he spoke as he placed a kiss on her forehead 'I can handle it Rose please' his eyes pleaded with her to go. She nodded and went inside to hide as he requested. 

Buck quickly and efficiently loaded the shotgun and the six shooter with the familiarity of someone who did this regularly. By the time the three riders reigned in at the picket fence, Buck was leaning against the railing, the handgun in the waistband of his trousers, the shotgun under his arm. 

"Can I help you fellas' he called 

"I've come to collect my property' the middle rider spoke arrogantly. He was a huge man heavy set and evil looking. Buck had no fear that this was the man that Rose was running from. 

'Nothing here belongs to you mister. You should just turn around and rider ut' Buck answered 

'Just turn her over son and no harm will come to you. All I want is Rose' the arrogance of the man rankled Buck. 

Buck cocked the shotgun and pointed it at the man 'I do hope you are not referring to my wife. For the last time I am asking you to leave my property.' the two other men pulled their guns, but the middle stranger indicated for them to settle down. 

'If you have married that girl, you have made a bad choice and a big mistake the three of them turned their horses 'You haven't seen the last of me' Thomson spoke 

Buck sagged weakly against the railing, the adrenalins rush that had cased his renewed strength leaving him. Putting the gun down he walked into the house to find his wife. As he passed form the bright outdoor sunlight in the soft filtered light inside the house, he was hit by a blinding headache. The pain so intense, so searing that tears flowed down his cheeks , the stabbing pain forcing his to his knees on the floor, his hands pressed against his temples trying to stop his head exploding, his forehead pressed against the cold wooden wall, as his memories returned to him in a confusing jumbled rush. It took him several minutes to come to his senses. 

When he became aware of his surroundings again. Rose was kneeling beside him, cradling him in her arms as she tried to sooth his pain. 

'Rose, what is going on here?' he asked 'this time try the truth' he tried to be angry at the beautiful woman at his side 

'You remember don't you?' she asked flatly as she pushed herself to her feet. 

'Most of it' he murmured 'my friends will be worried about me he continued 

'One was here looking for you yesterday. A tall blonde man, very well dressed' she supplied for him 

'Cody' Buck stated, the anger he did feel dissipating as he watched her fear. 

'You didn't have to lie to me. I would have helped you.' he sank to the floor, resting his back against the wall 

'You friends hated me Buck, you saw the way they looked at me when I found you. I wasn't good enough for you. When you said you didn't remember I took the only opportunity I could see. Most of what I told you was true, our marriage was my only lie.' 

'Whose baby is it?' he asked flatly, over the last few days he had become quite fond of the idea that he was about to become a father 

'Thompson's' she paused 'He raped me, that's when I ran away' 

Buck looked deeply into her teary and frightened eyes then walked out onto the porch where he lifted the shotgun and carried it back to the young woman he knew he would protect at all costs 

'You know how to use a shotgun Rose' he asked as he knelt at her side, he waited for her nod before he continued. 

'I want you to go upstairs and wait for me in the bedroom. I'm going to go and get help' he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead 'It'll be alright....Now go' he waited then walked gingerly out to the barn and leading a horse from the barn. Grabbing a hank of its mane he rode rapidly from the house anxious to get back to help Rose.. He knew now that almost all of what she told him was true, after Ike's death he knew that the others had been worried about him, he knew that, but that didn't mean that they could treat his old friends badly. They had realised quickly that Rose had made her living as a prostitute, the only person who hadn't treated her any differently was Lou, somehow understanding the young girls plight. 

Thinking back to the orphanage he remembered how Rose had befriended both he and Ike from the day she arrived. She had been a tiny delicate child with a sweet gentle nature and had hung on Buck's every word. Neither Ike or Buck could resist her unconscious charm. The three of them became firm friends, but when they left the orphanage she had struck out on her own, realising that she would be holding the boys back if she stayed with them. He knew that he would help her even if she had told him the truth from the first, but he was still weak and couldn't protect her on his own. 

BY the time he arrived at the waystation he was exhausted, luckily Cody and Noah were on the porch as he rode in. Cody ran down to meet him frowning, and caught him as he slid bonelessly from the horse's back and back into unconsciousness. Cody lifted him and carried him into the bunkhouse laying him on his bed. When Buck opened his eyes he saw all his friends watching him closely, Lou's tiny hand stroking his forehead. 

'I've got to help Rose' he spoke as he tried to push his way from the bed. 

'You're not going anywhere son' Teaspoon spoke 

'She needs help Teaspoon' tears welled in his eyes as he realised that they may refuse him 

'Then we'll go Buck' Jimmy spoke 

'You need to rest Buck' Lou stated 

'I'll rest when she is safe' he swung his legs from the bed cursing as his head spun. Standing he swayed weakly but continued toward the door 

'Sit down Buck' Teaspoon pushed him into one the benches 'Boys Lou, saddle up, Buck you are staying here.' he stated 

'No he thinks she's my wife. I can't desert her' 

'Fine, Rachel we shouldn't be gone long' he spoke to the housekeeper who nodded in understanding 

Teaspoon helped Buck to his feet and walked with him supporting him to a saddled horse. 

Teaspoon waited while Buck mounted, knowing that his determination was the only thing keeping him upright then climbed onto his own horses back, then they lit out to Rose's property. When they arrived they found Rose tied to the hitching rail The back of her dress torn, at least two welts across her back. She had quite obviously been whipped and her face was beaten. 

'Buck' she cried hysterically 'Don't its a trap, go back.' 

They immediately wheeled their horses and took cover as shots rang ut from the barn. They all returned fire and it wasn't long before the gunmen in the barn fell silent. Buck had skirted around behind the house and towards Rose desperate to get her away from the gunfire. He had reached her side and had cut the bonds holding her, folding her gently into his embrace, he rested her head against his chest. 

'Touching scene injun, but she's my property' 

'She's nobody's property Thompson' Buck spat as he pushed Rose behind him watching Thompson pull the hammer back on the pistol he aimed at them 

'She's my most popular girl, she is my property and I intend to take the whore back to where she belongs or no man will ever have her again' he spoke his intention clear. 

'You'll have to go through me' Buck spoke through gritted teeth 

'You think the world will miss one redskin, cos I don't have a problem with pulling the trigger' he sneered. 

'That's enough' Teaspoon spoke flanked by gun wielding Jimmy and Kid 

'No it aint' he took aim at Buck and as he did was felled by both Kid and Jimmy before he could get a shot away. 

Buck sank to his knees in complete exhaustion, Rose crawled around to embrace him almost holding him upright. Kid and Jimmy lifted Buck and carried him into the house, and Teaspoon embraced the quivering Rose and followed Lou , Cody and Noah close behind. They took Buck to the first bedroom they saw and laid him on their bed, his exhaustion overwhelming him and knowing that Rose was safe he slipped into oblivion. Rose and Lou entered the room and quickly shooed the other boys out. 

Lou made rose take her tattered shirt off and then made her sit on the side of the bed as she bathed the lash marks. 

'He's a good man Lou' she spoke softly her hand gently caressing his 

'He is' Lou answered 

'I know that you all think he's too good for me, but I do love him, I have done since we were kids' 

'Losing Ike near destroyed him, we just don't want him hurt that bad again' Lou tried to explain 

'I couldn't hurt him Lou' she murmured as Lou turned her to wash the light grazing on her face. 

'Why don't you go and put a nightgown on and get some rest. We'll sort things out then come back tomorrow' 

Rose swallowed the tears clogging her throat and hugged Lou tightly 

'Thanks Lou' she murmured 

'I know we didn't get off to a good start Rose, I also know that you are very important to Buck. I would like it if we could be friends' 

'I'd like that' Rose nodded tearfully 

'We'll let ourselves out Rose, get some rest' Lou kissed her on the forehead before she walked out of the room closing the door behind her. 

Rose stood and watched Buck, his breathing deep and steady before she wearily removed her clothing and slipped into her nightshirt. Knowing that this would be the last time she could be so close to Buck she was reluctant to leave his side, so she climbed into the bed beside him. She laid on her side watching him sleep, occasionally brushing a wisp of hair back from his forehead. Almost unconsciously he turned toward her in his sleep and pulled her into his arms. Finally feeling safe, secure and most of all loved she sank into a weary slumber. 

A tickling breath on her face woke her sometime later, the room was in darkness save for the light cast by the full moon. Opening her bruised eyes she found herself looking into the face of the man that the boy she loved had grown into . 

"I'm sorry Rose' he murmured his fingers lightly caressing her facial bruising 

'What for?' she murmured 'I've lied to you and done nothing but put you and your friends in danger' she stated 

'I should never have let this happen to you.' he murmured 

'You did what you had to do Buck' she assured him. 

He raised himself up on to his elbow and pushed her errant curls from her face. 

'Rose I want you to think about becoming my wife. I know my Indian blood is a lot to ask you to accept, but I would be honoured to spend my life with you' he spoke sincerely Rose's eyes overflowed with emotional tears. 

'I can't Buck' she cried reaching up to frame his face with her hands ' You have a hard enough time in town because of your heritage. I love your Indian blood Buck it is what makes you who you are, but I cannot let you sacrifice yourself for me. You don't need a whore for a wife and a bastard for a child' 

'Your child' he caressed her rounded belly ' Will become our child the moment we marry. Truth is I already think of her that way a little . And you should know that what you have done doesn't matter to me' 

'I can't Buck I won't let you go through life paying for my mistakes. You are such a proud and honourable man but I can't let you do this.' she spoke through her tears. 

He watched her closely his dark eyes glistening 

'Are you sure?' he murmured 'We could have a good life together' 

'Buck ' she smiled regretfully her bottom lip trembling ' I have loved you since we lived in the orphanage, but you deserve a long happy life with a woman you love deeply, a woman who you could not imagine a life without. Be truthful. Do you love me as anything other than a sister.' 

'I'm very fond of you Rose, I'm sure I could grow to love you.' he knew that he had to be truthful with her.' 

'I can't Buck, but thank you for the offer' she pressed her face against his chest forcing them both into silence., and knowing that they closeness they were sharing was coming to an end Buck cradled her closer against him, content to be spending their time in silence. 

Early the next morning, Rose woke to find the bed beside her empty, rising you pulled on a robe and went downstairs to find that Buck packing his saddlebags. 

"Buck?' she murmured knowing instinctively what was happening 

'I have to get back to the waystation Rose.' he looked at her teary eyes 

'You weren't going to say good bye were you.' she accused 

'I just wanted to get packed before I woke you. Honestly' he answered her 

'Will I ever see you again?' she spoke calmly knowing how hard this was on both of them 

'Of course you will, he crossed to take her into his arms 'I am going to visit often and I'm going to be the best Uncle this little one could ever want' he held her face between both hands and spoke 'I think we just need some time apart Rose' he spoke softly 

She nodded her head not trusting her voice. he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and released her, unwilling to fall apart before his eyes she turned and started to walk up the stairs, turning halfway up she spoke 

'Be Careful Buck' she couldn't force any other words out before she turned and walked quickly up to the bedroom. 

Buck watched her go, unsure of what to do, for the first time in his life not sure of the integrity of his actions, but knowing that it was what she wanted he picked up his saddlebags and turned to the door. He knew that things would never be the same between them again, but he hoped that they would still share the happy loving relationship they had as children. Taking one final look at her retreating back, he walked onto the porch and closed the door behind him, leaving behind a heart that truly loved him. 


End file.
